I get it. I've experienced this too.
I’m Matt Ainsley. For 10+ years, I’ve coached professionals worldwide: directors, founders, department heads, doctors, professors, MDs, lawyers, designers, and ex-military.
I was invited to work with NHS doctors at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital to navigate sensitive, high-stakes conversations with parents in intensive care, and coach 120 global leaders at Alexander McQueen.
An ICU room or a boardroom, both need clear, high-trust communication when the pressure is on.
Through my 1:1 program, Speak With Confidence, you gain the skills and mindset to navigate important meetings, high-stakes presentations, and leadership challenges.
Turning doubt and overthinking into clear, confident communication that wins trust and respect.
True to you, without being someone you’re not.
I’m not ready, clear or persuasive enough.
Senior, influential, or experienced enough.
Practiced, prepared, or perfect enough.
Just some of the doubts that held me back.
Quiet worries that one day I may be ‘found out’.
Until I discovered how to overcome them . . .
I wish someone had shown me the ropes of how to be a confident communicator. It would’ve saved me years of holding back.
Fearing what others might think.
I was a quiet kid. The conflict of being raised in a high-control religion, combined with the realisation I’m gay, left me trying to figure life out.
A shy oddball who didn’t fit in, I was uncomfortable expressing myself.
I didn’t have the vocabulary or self-confidence.
I learnt to keep quiet for fear of being bullied or laughed at.
Other kids had cultural references like Star Wars or the latest cool band.
I grew up in a cultural vacuum.
I missed out on learning many communication skills.
But I was determined and adventurous.
Creativity was how I expressed myself. My superpower.
So I put it to use and moved from the countryside to London.
Exploring London, I discovered a vintage store on the King’s Road that captured my imagination.
Dark rooms stuffed floor to ceiling with clothes from every era.
Men’s Zoot suits, shimmering bead dresses and vibrant accessories.
I’d never seen a shop like it.
The windows each side of the door were curved panes of glass.
But the displays looked drab and didn’t reflect the amazing things inside.
I dreamed of designing an eye-catching display to showcase the treasures they sold. So I did.
I designed a concept, and arranged to meet the owner.
No one had ever created a window for them.
Stood next to her at the till, I opened my portfolio and eagerly presented my idea.
She peered through her thick black framed glasses with a considered expression.
Her long-haired dog snuffled around my feet, checking me out.
Cigarette in one hand, she flicked through my sketches with the other.
I named my fee for the job.
More than I’d been paid for anything before.
She took a long drag on her cigarette.
Slowly exhaled a plume of smoke and said,
‘When can you start?!’
It was the late 90s, the beginning of my career and a flash of clarity for me.
I realised because I believed what I was saying, I was being authentic, and my doubts faded away.
I wasn’t nervous, we connected, I got the result I wanted.
My seed of self-belief grew into a career helping brands communicate their message through visual merchandising and styling.
I worked with global brands creating immersive retail environments, PR and marketing events, trade and fashion shows, across food, fashion and lifestyle.
For Fortnum and Mason, Liberty, Moschino, Anthropologie, Asics, and more . . .
From consulting projects at Lotte, South Korea, to being published in a Thames and Hudson book, I learnt how to walk into a new environment and gain everyone’s respect quickly.
How to be fearless in meetings.
And how to communicate confidently with everyone, from the CEO to the intern.
In the fashion industry, a feeling of being judged can be strong.
But often people aren’t what you think.
In my early days as a stylist’s assistant I worked alongside designers, directors, recording artists, photographers and models.
I made assumptions about them, only to be wrong.
From a death metal band who were shy and humble,
to lead singers with a curiosity and genuine interest in me.
What slowly dawned on me (and shocked me) was, I was secretly doing to those people what I feared they were doing to me.
This realisation changed everything for me.
You can free yourself from feeling judged by others.
You don’t have to put on a mask and be someone you’re not.
Then a new chapter began.
I moved to Paris.
The challenge of working in a foreign language sparked a change, and my career began to evolve.
I was surprised to discover my British accent and unique experience were in demand.
As a sideline, meeting in the cafes of Paris, I helped clients develop their professional voice in English.
What I found was, it wasn’t about their English skills,
but about the essence of communication itself.
As we worked together, their confidence and careers flourished.
Seeing how authentic communication changed their lives, my fascination grew.
The time to go deeper into mindset, growth, and the psychology of what holds us back.
My curiosity for coaching intensified.
Fascinated by how life-changing it can be,
but how misunderstood it still is.
At Animas, I trained and qualified as a transformational coach at their ICF-accredited school.
It was also the time to face my long-held terror of public speaking.
So I joined a school focused on authentic confidence, not false bravado and performance tricks.
Its effect was so profound, I became a trainer with them.
A total U-turn on my fears.
It means I understand the doubts and pressure.
Through years of growing my own communication skills, I learnt most people approach it from the wrong angle.
Technical skills alone don't unlock authentic, lasting confidence.
So I designed my own 1:1 highly personalised coaching program: Speak With Confidence.
Using all the communication ingredients of my early career, my coaching training, and my work as a speaker trainer.
It's mindset work and practical action, to communicate when the pressure is on.True to your style, as a thoughtful professional.
It is the foundation for all my client results.
I’ve worked with C-suite, directors and leaders in biotech and pharma, consulting, consumer and luxury brands, digital tech, media and AI, academic research, law, and finance and investment, helping them to:
When doubt no longer has control, you experience a real sense of freedom.
No more anxiety about what you say, or how you say it.
Your relationships flourish through authentic self expression and connection.
I’ve done it and I know you can too.
But I’ve learnt not to let it block my path.
The tiniest shift in your language can change everything.
Every message you send, every email or subject line you write, every presentation and Zoom call . . . it’s an opportunity to strengthen the connection with your team, colleagues or clients.
It’s about who you’re being as an individual, brand or leader.
If your communication had more power, what would be possible?
Stronger relationships. More sales. A long-awaited promotion.
Deeper trust, pride in your work and total confidence in the room.
Authenticity is an adventure.
The more you explore, the more exciting it becomes.
As your curiosity and courage grows, your fear fades away.
I learnt it’s easier than you think.
And I’m here to help you.
With communication that builds influence, what could be next for you?
Get articles that grow your confidence and client relationships.
PLUS my free guide '3 Confidence Blocks and How to Fix Them'
I've run the London Marathon for charity.
I also completed a triathlon in a pair,
9-mile run, 18-trail cycle, 6-mile kayak.
Finishing last 😂
I'm a minimalist.
Eight months as a WOOFer (working on organic farms) in the South of France with nothing but a bike and a few clothes taught me the freedom and joy of living with less.
I'm more introvert.
Give me an art house or indie film over a noisy party.
Although . . . photos are in circulation of me belting out a Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers duet in a karaoke bar in South Korea.
Not gassy belly! Hot air balloon.
Perfect conditions and a light breeze took us way beyond our planned destination.
Forced to land, we ploughed into a row of trees, smashed through branches and crashed in a farmer's field.
Part of being raised in a high-control religion meant having to stand on a platform and speak into a microphone. To hundreds of people. With zero training.
It terrified me every time.
The fear never went away.
Fast forward to January 2019.
For the year ahead, I wanted an impossible challenge.
One that made me sick to my stomach and filled me with terror.
I found the perfect thing,
a 'Fear of Public Speaking' course that focussed on vulnerability.
WTF! 😱
It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
But I committed 100%.
After completing the course, Mike, the founder and CEO asked me to join him as a trainer at School Of Connection.
By mastering the fear, I opened new doors in my career.
I've a secret ambition to one day give a TED talk.
Every one I've watched has had positive impact on my life and inspired me to grow.
The tiniest idea can trigger a wave of transformation.
So I'd love to add my voice.
Marina Abramović, Bear Grylls, Invader, JR ('photograffeur'), Mark Kermode, Pedro Almodóvar, Fran Lebowitz.
Drive one, and don't take yourself too seriously.
