The trap of tired silence or impatient rushing.
What’s the true purpose of the meeting?

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(note: this conversation is fictional)

KAI
“There was a moment at work yesterday that threw me a bit.
We had a team project review, and afterwards our head of department pulled me aside and asked if I was feeling unmotivated. Not a comment I was expecting. I’d just spent the entire hour deliberately focussed. I was holding back, keeping quiet, and trying not to derail things. I thought I was being professional and composed, is that the word?
Apparently, I just looked unhappy being in there.”

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MATT
“So you were sat holding back, trying to look composed, but the room just read the look on your face as being unmotivated?”

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KAI
“I suppose. But it’s really irritating, because the alternative feels worse.
If I actually engage at my natural pace, I feel like I’m constantly cutting people off or running three steps ahead, looking arrogant.
So I force myself to sit quietly listening, but then it backfires and I look bored.”

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MATT
“So you either have to be all in, running at full speed, or you put the handbrake on completely?”

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KAI
“Pretty much. I treat the time in those rooms as wasted time.
I sit there holding my breath, waiting for it to end so I can start actual work again.
But then it backfires and I get judged for looking disinterested.”

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MATT
“So . . . ?”

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KAI
“So I suppose two things.
First, I need to accept these meetings are actually important, because they are.
But secondly, I just need to chill out a bit in them. So not sat holding back, and not running ahead in a way that makes me look frustrated or like I’m trying to prove a point.”