Understanding the Fear and Anxiety about High-Stakes Meetings

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(Lunchtime reflections of a Thoughtful Professional . . . )

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My stomach’s churning,
so I thought I’d sit and write.

A brain dump.

A lame attempt to calm my nerves.

Or maybe ‘Lame’ is the word to describe myself right now.

Yellow stomach acid wants to erupt up my throat.
To leave a burning sensation as evidence.
A proof.

Proof my job title is too grand for my ability.
Proof there’s something wrong with me.
Proof I can’t communicate high level.

I’m staring at the poké bowl I got for lunch.
It will likely be my dinner instead.
Spinach, beans and a dribble of beige satay sauce.
Not now.

Just five minutes ago I was fine.
But four minutes ago I saw Tom’s mouth move in slow motion.
Releasing the words ’SENIOR LEADERSHIP’ and ‘MEETING’ into my face.

These three words crashed like wrecking balls into my otherwise ok Tuesday.

He must have seen me pale.

Either I turn a deathly grey through fear of an important meeting.
Or my neck flushes red spontaneously when I say something wrong.
I’m like a broken chameleon who can’t disguise its fear.

Deep breath.

Writing this down I feel a bit better.
My stomach does at least.

The beans taste clean, and give the acid something to work on.

The irony is, I’m not junior, I’m in a senior role.

So why does my body react so violently?
Senior, leadership and meeting are only words, but they fill me with terror.

The stupid thing is, I know on the day, in the moment, I’ll be fine.

But when I hear SLT meeting I feel trapped with nowhere to hide.

PRESSURE.

A need to come up with the goods, be perfect, impress.

Or else . . . ?

Not sure.

If I logically think this through . . .

My default is an emotional reaction.
Some sort of survival DNA.

A fight or flight I suppose.

I can’t fight senior leadership.
I’d be fired!

And if running away isn’t an option, then?

Then I’ll try to be rational.

Rational meaning, trying to get perspective on this.

Even thinking this gives me a sense there are ways to navigate through, I’d not thought about.

Fear hijacks my thinking and triggers an extreme emotional response that’s no use to anyone.

It’s about emotional intelligence.

Applying it to support how I communicate confidently in high stake situations.