December 2020

How to build trust and connection

old black and white photo of pie shop shack

Why it's important to share who you are with others

Do you ever smile at some of the things you type into Google?

Well, one day back in early September, here’s what I typed

when do marks and spencer start selling mince pies?

(A mince pie is a sweet pie of English origin, a pastry case filled with a mix of dried fruits and spices traditionally served during the Christmas season in much of the English-speaking world)

Sadly I didn’t find the answer.
But I knew from previous years, they hit the shelves some time the end of September.

Fast forward.

At the end of September I happened to be passing a Marks and Spencer (M&S) store.
Curiosity got the better of me, so I popped in.
I made a beeline to the food hall at the back of the shop.
I surveyed the aisles for red mince pie boxes.
No promotional display and nothing in the bakery dept.
But I did spot turkeys lurking in the freezers dressed in red packaging.
The mince pies MUST be somewhere!
I have to admit, as I headed for the exit I was a teensy bit disappointed.
But then something caught my eye.
Red boxes tucked on a shelf by the check outs.
Mince pies! Yay! 
I was a happy customer that day.

I’m smiling to myself as I type this, it was a joyful moment.
So if you hadn’t guessed by now, I’m an out and proud mince pie lover.
There. I said it!

But why in the name of sweet pastry am I sharing this with you?

  • Am I being sponsored by M&S? - No
  • Am I trying to impress you with my determination? - No
  • Am I encouraging you to ‘enjoy the simple things in life’? - No (although yes, why not)

It’d be easy not to share my story with you.
I could come up with all sorts of assumptions on how you might react.

In fact, when I’ve told people my adventure, I’ve got all kinds of reactions

  • High fives and smiles from fellow mince pie lovers.
  • Frowns of disgust that I could even buy mince pies, let alone eat one.
  • Bored looks of ‘why should I be interested?’
  • To, confused looks that ask ‘what’s wrong with you to be eating mince pies in September?!?!’

But it doesn’t stop me telling them.

And whatever your reaction, that’s fine.
I respect it.

My point is, I could’ve made any one of these assumptions about how you might respond.
And that could’ve stopped me sharing this with you.
And you’d never know this about me.

Sharing things about yourself builds trust.
If you’ve something in common, it creates connection.
Both will grow your confidence and move you forward in life.

So my question to you is . . .

What are you assuming about peoples’ reactions, that stop you sharing some of yourself with them?

That stops you expressing yourself through worry of how they might react.
Where are you holding back?

So my challenge to you is 

Share something fun or quirky about yourself.
Tell your friends, family, partner or even someone you don’t know that well.

You could be thinking - “I won’t bother saying it, they won’t be interested”
Don’t do them a disservice.
Tell them anyway.

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed.
Or try to justify yourself 


Be proud to share who you are with others

What they do with that information is up to them.
But at least don’t stop sharing and expressing what makes you, you with the world.

And think of me next time you see a mince pie ;)

Matt Ainsley

life adventurer and unconventionalist

Get articles that grow your confidence and client relationships.
PLUS my free guide '3 Confidence Blocks and How to Fix Them'

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.